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6 Steps to Save Yourself from Self-Sabotage


How do we open our hearts when heartbreak hits, when we totally BOMB that thing we were so excited to do, and when life whacks over the head with totally unexpected twist to the plot of our lives?

How do we open our hearts despite the pain, the anxiety, the pressure, and the crazy emotions we feel as highly sensitive people?

I think the answer is as simple as this: We choose to.

Why? Because we must.

Life will happen for us. It just will.Β And when life does happen (because it does and it will), we must use these challenges as opportunities to open our hearts more.

This weekend, I hosted my very first essential oils class. It went beautifully. 72 beautiful souls signed up to join us. Spirit was vibrant and alive (so much so that we had about 5 tech issues ;). Our shared intention was strong. People were excited and open to the opportunity to deepen their practice with essential oils and maybe even choose to earn some residual income from it.

We erased the negative Nancy attitude about network marketing. People felt safe and held. It was so beautiful.

…and then…

But something started to happen inside of me at the end of the class. About 10 minutes before we ended, intense energy filled my stomach. A wave of fear and dread washed over me. And ego went to WERK.

Here’s what I heard from ego:

  • “No one is going to order from you. You’re not smart enough or good enough to teach this anyways.”
  • “The rapid and beautiful success you are having is too easy. It has to be harder than it is.”
  • “You can’t continue to upleve because you will lose your relationship with your boyfriend and you will lose friends.”

Here’s what I heard from the wounded part of me:

  • “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve these beautiful people who are so freaking amazing to be on our team. I don’t deserve to have this rapid success both financially and relationally. It’s too good to be true and its’ going to end.”

We all have these moments … things are going so beautifully and smoothly and then BAM! Self-sabotage tries to sneak its way in.

This form of self-sabotage was one of the strongest I’d felt in a really long time. I could see it clearly.

And so the question is…what do we do when it hits? How do we recognize it and how do we move through it?

That’s what I want to share with you today. I want to share with you exactly how I moved through it so that, hopefully, it can help you to do the same. Because this shit is real.


1.) There is a difference between dropping into awareness and drowning in awareness.

Without awareness, we can’t shift. But if we analyze every detail and obsess over why we’re feeling the way we’re feeling, we’re NOT helping the situation. Let yourself drop into the awareness of the story “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve this” but don’t drown in it. Grab a journal and write down every crazy-ass belief so you can gain clarity around the thoughts instead of letting them stockpile in your brain.

2.) Cradle yourself.

Seriously. Put your hands on your heart and cradle yourself like you’re a sweet baby. Here’s what I say: “Babe, I know this is a wounded part of you that is healing. That’s all that’s happening here. I accept you and I embrace you. We are getting through this together.”

3.) Ask for a miracle.

Don’t forget to ask God, your angels, masters, and guides for help. They can’t intervene if we don’t ask because we have free will! A miracle is simple – it’s just a shift in perception from fear (drowning in awareness) to love (dropping into awareness). Ask your spirit team for a miracle.

4.) Call your tribe.

We can’t do this alone. We need each other. So, I did my work and then I called one of my soul sisters and just spilled. She held space and listened and comforted me and made me laugh and things lifted. Letting other people support us and hold space for us – especially as women – is crucial for us. πŸ™‚


Get yourself a nice meal, go buy yourself a new book, have a night with your girls, or watch a silly movie (or all 4). Fun and joy are the quickest ways to shift your vibration. Us sensitive souls can take things too seriously, and this only keeps us stuck in the low vibration of self-sabotage.

6.) Ride the waves.

It’s not a black-and-white road. Your emotions might go up and down. You might find yourself laughing one minute and crying the next. You might find your chest and tummy filled with anxiety for a full 24 hours and then filled with hope and renewal the next. That, sweet sister, means you’re growing. And growth is imperfect and messy. So let it be that way, okay?

Keep repeating the above steps over and over – as much as you need them. Once isn’t enough. When something comes up, repeat steps 1-3 as often as you need – and lean on your soul sisters as you feel called.

I hope these steps serve you. Implement them. Show up. You’ll blow yourself away.

All love,

P.S. – If you want to take this to the next level, I highly recommend getting the Purify First meditation. It is a complete energy cleanse and protection meditation. When our energy fields are strong, moving through self-sabotage is INFINITELY easier. πŸ˜‰

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  • Kerin August 29, 2016

    Oh Heather, I needed this so much today. Thank you so much for your beautiful words and sharing yourself with us. I so wish I could just come over and hang out with you – spill myself so to speak! Thank you for the reminder too that you have to ask for the miracle, it won’t necessarily just come to you – and may never come at all as we see it. Light and Love to you ~

    • Heather Waxman September 6, 2016

      You’re so welcome Kerin! I’m so so glad it helped you. We will hang out someday! πŸ˜‰

  • Kenzi August 29, 2016

    Oh gosh… You don’t know how bad I needed this today. I will be following all those steps night and I think even tomorrow. Ps I made something today that will will hopefully show you tomorrow. It’s crazy because you wrote it in this post today.

    • Heather Waxman September 6, 2016

      Go Kenzi go! Keep me updated on how it’s going, okay? xx