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Turning Grief into Courage


Not too long ago, I was on the phone with a woman who was interested in potentially joining my team. She recently had a baby who is just a few months old and had been feeling that ache so many mums experience when they think about going back to work full-time. It just wasn’t settling with her. And the thought of going back to her old job partially made her stomach turn.

She loved everything that joining our team offered her: the promise of sisterhood, residual income, and time freedom. But something didn’t “feel right” to her. So, rather than emailing back and forth (hint: not a good way to really connect with people), I got her phone number and we hopped on the phone.

“What’s up?” I said to her. “Tell me what’s coming up for you. Let’s chat.”

“Well,” she said. “I just don’t think I can sell these things. I’m not a salesperson and I don’t really use the oils or know anything about them and I just don’t think I’d be a good candidate for this.”

A little back-story: This young woman had not even used essential oils yet. She hadn’t joined our team. She hadn’t taken any action (yet).

This is what we call self-sabotage. I could feel it in my gut. She was shutting herself off before she could let herself get too open. So, I served her a soul sister smackdown with a dose of compassion.

“Honey, I gotta be real with you: You’re quitting before you’ve started. It’s all fear. And that’s totally normal. I felt it too – and I still feel it too. Let’s work through it together. Let’s go through each statement you’ve just said and get to the TRUTH of your belief system.”

And that’s exactly what we did. We went through each of the limiting beliefs and we did the work to get to the heart of it.

And still … even by listening to her, holding space for her, and helping her shine a light of awareness of her belief systems …

she walked away.

She quit.

And it totally sucked.

It is *so* hard to watch people walk away from this opportunity when you know so deeply in your gut that they are in self-sabotage. And even when you know you’ve done all you can to listen, hold space, and shine a light on those blind spots of self-sabotage … and still, they walk away.


I know that Divine timing is part of it and she could come back into this opportunity in a month or two or next year…or another opportunity far better for her could come along. It’s not about me or “getting people” on my team…that’s not where I’m coming from. I could give two shits about that.

I could hear her just quitting before she started – offering up excuses and back-peddling to venturing into her old job, which she had told me she didn’t want to go back to. But the beautiful thing is that she hasn’t completely ruled anything out. She *is* open and willing to see new possibilities. And that is really beautiful

Some people you connect with you can easily let go of. Others are challenging. Like this one … it feels like she came here to help me open my heart even more. Like… “Even though this happened, can you still keep a wide open heart?” And hell yes, I can. And I will. But I can also cradle it as it feels tender and feels the grief … whatever this grief is.


And so, I had to press the pause button on my day and use my practice to move through it. And what I have learned through this practice is that grief makes space for courage. The root of courage is “cour,” which is Latin for “heart.” So, grief, in essence, helps us open our hearts and make space for courage to enter in. Warrior goddesses, you ready?! Here’s a simple practice to getcha goin’.

  •  Breathe (Respiratory blend) + Serenity (Calming blend).I have found these oils to be an incredible combination for healing any heart-related blockages. They are supporting me to keep my heart wide open in the face of rejection, grief, and fear.
  • Drop into awareness (but don’t drown in it).There is a difference between dropping into awareness and drowning in it. Here are some wise nuggets from Sewa Singh to elaborate on this:”Although loss and the associated pain are not avoidable, there are some wise approaches that support us in our ability to make the most of the most difficult challenges. Some great teachings suggest that human suffering originates from emotional attachment. This is congruent with the yogic wisdom that suggests that we experience our emotions fully, but appropriately.

    Popular culture, by contrast, encourages a great indulgence in, if not worship of, the emotions. The yogic model is to never constrict our emotions, but also to be wise and especially balanced in the process. Neutral mind is the ideal and this is achieved through the various practices that we do. If applied to the experience of grief, the idea is to deeply be aware of your grief and how it is being expressed in your experience, and return to a healthful neutrality of being as soon as is appropriate to the situation.”

  • Balance Your Navel Point (Solar Plexus Chakra)This Kundalini kriya is incredible to do first thing in the morning. It strengthens your navel point (solar plexus chakra). When this is balanced, your emotions are balanced. As a sensitive person, this is so helpful because it helps you stop feeling so much emotional commotion and start feeling balanced and centered in yourself.

    This is originally from my online course Dig Deeper, Fly Higher. Now that I have been guided to retire that course, I wanted to openly share this powerful practice with you.

Practice this for 40 days and watch yourself becoming, day by day, a true master of your emotions. I’ve done it, and it truly has done
this for me.

  • Anchor Yourself with a Mantra

“I am courage.” … what if you lived by this mantra? Join me in this. Sri Chinmoy says,” The very acceptance of the spiritual life
demands courage.” And it does. And so you are.

All love,

P.S. – If you’re interested in incorporating the above oils into your life to help you more seamlessly process your own grief or you’re just curious and excited about the opportunity to create sisterhood and residual income (or all three!), reach out to me at contact[at]heatherwaxman[dot]com. I’m here to support you.

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